Hamster Wheel

Hey everyone. It's been a little bit! Sooo here we gooo. Sometimes, I feel like why did I start this blog if I don't post as much.. I feel like I am letting people down but also more importantly, I feel like I am letting myself down. An unrealistic expectation I had when I started this blog was that I have to share content every day or week, time it perfectly, share it on Instagram, create reels... That's not me though. You'll see me on Instagram for like three days straight and then I go silent for two weeks, haha. I created this blog to have a place where I can just be me. More so this space is to document my life, to help share my story and maybe it will help somebody else.

I'm setting a more attainable goal to post here once a month. I love this creative outlet of mine and I truly want to make more time for it. I had this realization today that I do put so much pressure on myself. My manager reminded me of this twice in one week so I thought if I am doing that in my work life, I must be doing that in my personal life. My days consist of working 9 hours, eating dinner, working out, taking care of my dog, doing housework and going to bed. Don't get me wrong I am incredibly grateful for all these things. To have financial security, to be at a company that empowers me, and I can grow at, to work from home most days, to have a house to clean, to have a dog to take care of, a healthy body I am able to work out. I just don't want to be on a hamster wheel.

How many of you feel this way? That you are just living every day to get through the day instead of learning or growing and enjoying? Maybe it's something about being in your 30's. I just want to do more, creatively. I want to make my mark on this world. I want to leave it better than it was. I want to help people. When I was in my 20's I went out almost every weekend to hang out with friends and have a good time, living my best life. I can't even imagine that life anymore... Believe me, I am living my best life right now. Staying in on a Friday night is #GOALS these days, haha. Going back to my point though, we are so hard on ourselves and set unrealistic expectations. "Well, I just HAVE to do this, this and this. And if i can't get all that done, I am not being successful. But then I really want to (fill in blank here) but I can't seem to make time for it...."

One "have to" for me is that if the house isn't clean and I mean like spotless everything in order, I have this extreme sense of overwhelming stress. That comes from my childhood though. My parents taught chores at a young age which was great for life goals, but I felt like in order to feel validated or important and accomplished I needed to clean and take care of everything. So, I seek taking care of and having control of everything at home. My husband is the complete opposite meaning he has no expectations for me or the house at all. Which is great but it can be challenging at times for me because then I set the same unrealistic expectations for him. Another thing is that if I am not moving up in my career fast enough, I feel like a failure. That comes from working at startup companies for years that didn't realize my potential. It is a never-ending battle I have with myself, but I am getting better with coming to terms with these unrealistic expectations so I can live a more fulfilled life.

What does this mean to you? Do you feel like you can't do something because you are so "busy"? What does busy look like to you?

Look at all the things you have planned in a day. What brings you joy? What can you get rid of? Is it okay for the (insert task here) to be skipped tonight so you can go for a walk outside? Paint? Write that song? Meditate? Journal about your day? Read that book that has been on the bookshelf?

"We are so busy every day but are we being productive with finding enjoyment in the day? Is what we are doing on a day to day just busy work or are we truly being productive with accomplishing our dreams? Make time for yourself. Be the person that you want to be instead of the person you think other people want you to be. "

When I can't create, I feel dull, stagnant, lifeless. #GeminiSun This part goes into my next blog post on what I have been up to the past month or so. I've been working like crazy pursuing my dream to be a mentor/coach in my company which is amazing, I started the 75 Hard Challenge, got some blood work results back that I wasn't too happy about, and currently am making some life changes. My next post will talk a bit more about this all. Thanks for sticking around.

Until next time,

Bee