The Greatest Love

After turning 31 I've been really working on honoring my boundaries and rediscovering who I am. The biggest questions for me were what I want my 30's to look like, and how I want to show up in the world. I thought my life was going to look a little different once I turned 30. We all have that ideal "plan". I'm truly grateful for every blessing and lesson I've had along the way, but you all know what I mean when I say that ideal "plan".

I felt lost. I am so used to putting others needs before my own, take control of every situation, feel responsible to fix every problem, say yes to every plan, allow people to walk all over me, not thinking about what I wanted. I had to really take a step back and be like woah, who am I? How do I create the life I want?

It's been a lot of work. A lot of therapy, yoga, reading self-help books, journaling and just overall a lot of self-reflection. And I'm still in the thick of it. Sometimes I feel like my life is full of lessons. But I have to be grateful and accept them as they come.

The greatest lesson I've learned over the past year or so is that you have to love yourself above all. How can you love anyone if you don't love yourself first?

How many of you know what your love language is? I read a book a while back - The Five Love Languages by Garry Chapman- that talks about how you want to be loved and what is important to you based on the five love languages. You can take the quiz here. My love language is Words of Affirmation. This made so much sense to me after I took the quiz. Gifts are fine, quality time is cool too but tell me I mean something to you and I'm sold. So, I asked my tribe, my closest friends, what are three or more words that describe me. I wanted to see what they said and how I show up to them but also, did I believe these words myself?

Do I believe in these words that they described me as.

Not only was this a confidence booster but it made me realize I am all the things my friends say I am. Throw that ego aside, let's clap for ourselves! I feel like we need to give ourselves some credit! I am so hard on myself daily. I think- "Can I be a better friend, sibling, wife? How can I do better at work? Eat better?

Have you ever taken a step back and say- what I did today was enough. Pause right now for a minute. One minute and say that to yourself. I crave these words of affirmation but I'm not even giving them to myself. That was an eye opener for me.

So, I challenge you to do the same. Ask your significant other, your tribe, your closest friends to describe you. What did they say? Do you believe it? What can you do differently to believe in yourself?

What is your love language?

This helps you know what is important to you and how people can show up for you. Then once you know what it is, communicate it to your people! For example, my husband Ben loves physical touch. However, I don't think physical touch is important to show someone I love them. But to him it is, so because I know this now, I can show him love through his love language. I would just tell him a bunch of encouraging words or tell him I love him and while that's wonderful and great to hear, he needs something more. We all have different ways we want to feel loved and communicating it can help so much.

Now that you know what your love language is, how can you show yourself some love. I challenge you all to take a step back and really take some time for you. It's so important for your mental health. You are with yourself every day, 24/7. Do you love yourself? How can you treat YOU better. What is one thing you can do today for yourself? For me I journaled (since words of affirmation is my love language) and took a long bath (because I'm a Taurus rising and love the pampered life).

Until next time,

Bee

“Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love...” Whitney Houston